I’m a coward.

I’ve thought about you every single day for the past 2 and a half years since we ended things. Every morning, afternoon, and night. I can’t stop it even though I’ve tried so many times. I even went out on a few dates but after every single one of them, I ended up missing you more. No guy so far has made me feel the way you did. I miss getting so nervous before our dates, I would anxiously wait in my room and rush down stairs when I’d hear you knocking, you would open the car door for me and would give me a kiss as I’d sit down. When you would hold my hand I was in my safe spot. Our four hour phone calls at the end of the day were my therapy sessions. Your eyes full of love for me and only me. Your hugs made me feel at home. You were my person but I let you go. I could see the stars weren’t perfectly placed for us at the time. My heart was breaking in to a million pieces when I knew what I had to do. I had to let you go. And I’m glad I did because you’ve done so much in life already. I was right. I don’t regret my decision. But missing you every day is exhausting. I want to call but I’m afraid you’ll be to busy. I want to see your eyes again but I’m terrified because I know they won’t look at me the way they used to. I don’t know why I feel like this after all this time. What does this mean? The last three months I’ve even cried over you a few times. I should be over you by now. But I’m not. Not in the slightest. I’m a coward because I know I will never have the guts to pick up the phone to call you, or tell you how I feel. You don’t deserve that because you’re doing amazing things. I’ve been denying it all along but I really hope you did mean it. When we saw each other that last time. It had been months since we decided to call it quits and you still told me you were going to marry me. You swore it. And in that moment I told you to shut up because in my mind I was really praying that you’d keep your word. Love is weird. Love can’t be explained. Love is a feeling no one understands. And I still write three page journal entries addressed to you. And I think I’m still in love with you even after these 2 and a half years.

parvxo:

nothing inspires me more than seeing other girls doing well and living life how they want to

(via glossed-over)